


sweet relief, pretty please

by emilyrambles



Category: Dare Me (TV 2019)
Genre: 4+1, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Beth PoV, Explicit Language, F/F, Happy Ending, Oh also, Underage Drinking, again.... because i love pain, bc its them, bc whats the point otherwise, god where do i start, i just took some liberties with a few facts, if you squint you can fit it very easily into the actual season, this...... got out of hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyrambles/pseuds/emilyrambles
Summary: She loves how Addy tastes; honeycomb lipgloss and minty breath and something so addictive and undeniably Addy-like that Beth’s pretty sure is her own special type of drug. She loves how Addy’s hands always seem to find bare skin; dragging fingernails over her abs so frantically, twisting fingers in Beth’s hair to keep their mouths connected. She loves it all.Or, things Beth figures out while falling.Or, the four times Beth and Addy kiss and the one time they don’t.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Comments: 26
Kudos: 186





	sweet relief, pretty please

_i know that i seem a little stressed out / but you're here now and you're turning me on / i wanna feel a different kinda tension / yeah, you guessed it, the kind that's fun / hate it when you leave me unattended / 'cause i miss ya and i need your love / when my mind is running wild / could you help me slow it down? / put my mind at ease / pretty please / i need your hands on me / sweet relief / pretty please_ – **pretty please, dua lipa**

1 //

Things she figures out while falling:

  1. It takes a long time to come back down again



Everything in life isn’t always clean and pretty. She’s made that perfectly clear. Addy had gone quiet for minutes after she’d said it, staring at her hands and picking at her fingernails. Another brilliant Beth quote of the day! Pathetic, really. Not everything she says must have meaning, but Addy sure takes it to heart.

(And if she’s a lot more careful about what she says after that, it doesn’t mean anything either.)

They’re in her bedroom, on her bed, where they seem to spend more and more time these days. Summer camp is over, and the sticky sweetness of warm air blows pitifully through the wide propped open windows. School doesn’t start until next week and so Beth’s officially declared this break _you and me_ time, because if the universe is offering her seven days of Addy’s pure unadulterated interest, she’s going to drink it up like liquid gold. Somewhere along the way Beth’s forgotten exactly _why_ she craves this. Why she needs the attention. The tension.

Why she needs Addy’s hands on her thighs.

“This okay?” Addy’s voice is a low murmur, barely audible over the sound of the whine from the ceiling fan and cars honking outside. Her mom clatters around in the kitchen below them, probably looking for a drink to swallow her pills with, because she certainly isn’t making them dinner. She’s never been the type. The sharp press of Addy’s fingertips into the inside of Beth’s thigh tugs her harshly back into reality, and she gasps softly. The sound tears itself from her throat without warning, her body reacting by digging her heels into the blanket by her feet. Addy pauses, glancing up at Beth through warm, brown eyes and smiles.

“All good.” Beth whispers and shifts her body a few inches closer to her left, now forcing Addy to move closer or adjust her position at the foot of the bed. She feels a small rush of victory when Addy chooses the former, pulling herself into Beth’s side in order to continue her slow massage and remain secure on the bed. It’s a big bed, large enough that they’ve always been able to fit RiRi in-between them during sleepovers. (Always in the middle. They don’t trust themselves otherwise.) But Beth is being an asshole and commandeering most of the space, which led to the positions that they’re in now. Not that either of them mind. Addy’s smile remains small, but Beth can’t take her eyes off her mouth despite it all.

“Like this?” Addy continues her massage, pressing a little harder than can remain innocent, but Beth likes this kind of pain. During the last day of cheer camp, Beth had gone a little too wild even by her standards, and in her intoxicated state thought she could climb the big oak tree rooted by the cabin entrance. No challenge is ever too big, no dare too tough. Beth can be called a lot of things, but a coward isn’t one of them. This one though almost gave her a ticket straight to the emergency room, and Addy had spent the coach ride back holding an ice pack to her bruises, cradling her body in her arms.

She hums in satisfaction, and finally tears her eyes away from watching Addy’s mouth to watch her hands instead. Solid, dependable, yet unbelievably soft hands. Hands she trusts to catch her and she’s not just talking about cheer. Addy’s expression is collected, breathing slow and steady, and Beth thinks she’s never looked more heartachingly beautiful. She swallows tightly, allowing Addy to maintain the pressure, kneading the skin around the inside of her thigh. She’s past the point of just feeling hot and bothered- no this is pretty fucking much the dangerzone. The sleek dull ache between her legs is just about bearable if she finds another release; biting her lip, clutching at her bed sheets, pressing the back of her skull into the pillow like she’s trying to force her way through. She knows that Addy knows, because the other girl’s hand movements are more purposeful now. Moving ever so slightly up Beth’s body until one sits cupped around her right hip, the other pausing to rest against the waistband of her gym shorts. Then those _fucking_ fingers slip right under her shirt, spreading out with perfect intent against tense abs. The second Addy begins to draw her knees up to elevate her position, Beth surges forward, hands blindly reaching out for the contact she so desperately desires.

They’re kissing, and Beth forgets about the bruises, forgets about her physical pain. No, this is a different, fresher, more heart-shattering, world-ending kind of pain and she fucking _relishes_ in it. She loves the sound Addy makes, low and guttural, when she pushes hard, forcing Addy to twist onto her side, and then eventually concede to let Beth climb on top. She loves how Addy _tastes;_ honeycomb lipgloss and minty breath and something so addictive and undeniably Addy-like that Beth’s pretty sure is her own special type of drug. She loves how Addy’s hands always seem to find bare skin; dragging fingernails over her abs so frantically, twisting fingers in Beth’s hair to keep their mouths connected. She loves it all. She loves Addy –

 _Oh_.

Yeah, there it is. That’s why she craves this.

That’s what she’d forgot. Or pushed to the back of her mind, packed away in some box, like it was something simple to just brush over, or deal with later.

Well this is her _dealing with it._

Her hands have found themselves around Addy’s neck, thumbs brushing over a clearly throbbing pulse point. It would be easier to stop now, before the line gets crossed and they’re left exposed and raw and _naked_ , but Addy doesn’t seem to want to stop, and Beth would give her the fucking world if she wanted it. So she doesn’t stop, because Addy doesn’t want to, and selfishly she never wants this to stop either, so fuck lines.

If they were drawn, they were meant to be crossed.

2//

Things she figures out while falling:

  1. It takes a long time to come back down again
  2. Loving Addy is the easy part



The merry-go-round squeaks and squeaks and she pushes it harder and faster until her biceps throb with a good kind of ache. Laughter, so carefree and wonderful spills from the girl in front of her, smile so wide and beautiful. It fills her heart and then her chest and of course she’s smiling too, because there’s no better feeling than this. The rain pours relentlessly from the sky; dark grey clouds sit so heavy she could almost touch them if she tried. Droplets splatter onto cool metal and bounce up against both of their bodies. They’re not cold, no far from it. The water is warm, the temperature of the air thick and hot, but not suffocating.

There’s something in Addy’s eyes.

A glint of wanting, of longing.

And so she stops the pushing.

And the merry-go-round stops moving.

And her heart stops beating.

Addy gasps and keeps her mouth hanging open slightly, like the thoughts she’s just had are almost too overwhelming to share.

Almost.

Beth steps back to allow the other girl some space and pulls her soaked hair from irritating her neck, wrapping it around her front. There’s something she’s always wanted to do, and it’s as if the stars, heaven and hell have all aligned to enable her to do it right in this moment. Outstretching her left arm, she twists the Hamsa bracelet on her right and unclips it from her wrist. Moving slowly, but with purpose, she bends down and reties it onto her girl.

Done in silence, but the message could not be louder.

Beth glances down nervously, but the girl opposite her is smiling in disbelief, and her stomach fills with butterflies. They stare at each other, so tenderly, in such awe that fate allows them to live at the same time as this. That somewhere somehow, every atom in the universe died in order to bring them together.

And then her girl moves as if the angel on her shoulder told her to, but the devil on her own tells her to stay still. It’s very important to remain still.

One bite of her lip and Addy presses a light kiss against her, slowly, tentatively, like she’s asking a secret question that only she knows the answer to.

So Beth smiles in response as reassurance and out of pure unfiltered happiness and it elicits the exact reaction she so deeply craves from the other girl, who can’t seem to stop staring at her lips like she’s drowning.

Their next kiss is more mutual as she allows herself to lean in a fraction, and their lips are reconnected. The rain pours and pours and pours and her heart beats such a loud tattoo against her chest she’s almost afraid her ribs will crack wide open from the pressure. Addy tastes of gold and there’s a lingering flavour of her favourite lipgloss, a scent she’s so familiar with but not like this. Beth’s hand comes up to rest against her girl’s collarbone, curled fingers against a sturdy frame.

Instinctively, they pull apart at the same time, two hearts always in parallel to one another.

A brief pause expands the seconds as the kiss hangs intensely between them. But she doesn’t panic, because Addy is smiling again, and laughing again, leaning into her body like she belongs there. She tucks her head against her shoulder, the momentum of the movement tumbling them backwards a few inches, but Beth doesn’t care.

Not when she has everything she’s ever wanted right in the palm of her hands.

3//

Things she figures out while falling:

  1. It takes a long time to come back down again
  2. Loving Addy is the easy part
  3. She’s a damn liar



They’re flying.

Not literally of course, although Beth certainly hangs air like she has wings when they’re on the mat. No, the two of them are in her car, and she’s pressing her foot down harder on the gas pedal so much so that the jeep bounces spectacularly over a road bump. They hit the surface with an ear-shattering smash but the shock absorbers from the car work their magic and Beth grins.

It’s particularly free, feeling this. To be right by Addy’s side cruising down the street, dusk beginning to show its purple skin, stretching out as wide as it possibly can. Granted, they’ve both had a few shots, and Addy is downing from the bottle like its just water, and Beth is impressed. Obviously, as the driver, Beth Cassidy is responsible enough to not do quite the same until they’re at their destination, but she really doesn’t mind living vicariously through Addy.

(Beth makes a mental note to take an honorary shot later, acknowledging the fact that if they do get pulled over, Faith Hanlon is pretty handy at making DUI’s go away.)

“Wait wait wait! I fucking _love_ this song.” Addy screeches and swats away Beth’s attempts at switching the radio station just to be a bitch, and Beth’s giggling hard as Addy struggles quite spectacularly at trying to loosen her seatbelt. “Fuck this, _you_ – fuck off _Beth_.”

“Fuck you too Hanlon.” Beth laughs breathlessly and holds her hand up, waving a mock white flag of defeat. It seems to satisfy Addy for now, placating her protests as they die down. Still, she joins in screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs. “The night is young, so are we, let's just get to know each other slow and easily - ”

“Beth… Bethy boo…” Addy begins, her eyes glazed over and cheeks flaming bright pink. Beth raises her eyebrow in a slight warning at the use of the nickname and Addy smirks like a child in trouble. Well that’s fucking adorable. “You wanna know something?”

“What babe?” As quickly as she can, Beth winds her up by turning the volume down right before the chorus hits but Addy ends up just shouting over the top anyway.

“We don’t have to take our clothes off! To have a g-good time!” the hiccup interrupts Addy’s American Idol audition and she finds it most offensively annoying, much to Beth’s amusement. The proceeding _na na na’s_ are sang a little quieter and with a furrowed brow. The rest of the car journey is passed mostly without incident, with only a few more squabbles about switching the music over, and the bottle being tossed back and forth turns into a game of who can spill the most down the other’s chin. (Beth wins.)

The car pulls to an abrupt stop on the grass, skidding a few inches as Beth struggles to put the handbrake on. Addy’s already kicking open the door with a dramatic stretch of her leg and Beth rolls her eyes. If anyone else even thought about doing that to her jeep, decapitating them sounds deliciously justified.

(Addy could kick her heart right out of her chest and she’d probably let her.)

Beth pulls the keys out of the ignition and slides them into her back pocket as she exits the car, joining Addy in her drunken attempts at clambering up onto the hood. She grasps her hand for support and they somehow make it up there eventually, settling against the cool metal. Addy’s arms are tucked behind her head; Beth’s propped up on her elbows.

Dusk threatens to engulf the sky now, blacks and purples splashed out against a paler background like the bruises so familiar to them both, and they fall into a comfortable silence. Even in the quiet, there’s a certain buzz surrounding her body whenever it’s alone in the presence of Addy. She’s far too gone to even identify this as something strange anymore. It sits deep in her chest like its always belonged there. It’s almost comforting now.

“What are you thinking about?” Addy’s the first one to break the calm; not surprising since Beth’s ran out of words to describe how she’s feeling anymore. Her mouth feels unnaturally dry, the alcohol burns her throat and settles like acid in the pits of her stomach.

“You.” Turns out, drunk words are sober thoughts after all, and if it isn’t for the bottle providing a welcome distraction, she’d have been mortified at how easy the confession slips from her lips.

“Oh.”

Beth would be lying if she said Addy’s response fills her with much confidence. “Oh? How profound.”

Addy shuffles up to rest upon her elbows too. She huffs out a long breath and flicks her head to the side to move the small locks of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. “Sorry I’m not fucking Shakespeare.”

“Never said you were. Just expected a bit more than _oh_.” Beth shrugs, trying to act as if it doesn’t feel like her world’s imploding with crucifying disappointment over Addy’s carelessness. She settles the bottle down against the windscreen wiper.

“I just meant like… _oh_ … you’re being honest with me right now.” Addy attempts to explain and she must gather that her response only irks Beth further so she sits up as best as she can. She reaches forwards and grasps Beth’s hand, lacing their fingers together effortlessly. “Not that you usually aren’t but like… I was expecting you to say something about cheer or your family or whatever, not… me.”

“I always think about you.” It also turns out that love confessions seem to be Beth’s mission of the day but, whatever, she’s past the point of caring of the consequences. _Fuck this entirely_. She rolls over to sit up on her knees, impulsivity crackling in her veins. “I think about kissing you.”

At the sheer mention of the word, Addy’s eyes drop to Beth’s lips. Hook, line and sinker.

Addy swallows hard. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. In fact, I’m thinking about it right now." Beth says, edging closer towards Addy, their shoulders brushing. “Only thing is…” She breaks their hands in order to trace her middle finger up Addy’s exposed inner arm, then up past the crook of her elbow and rests it against the flexed bicep.

“What?” Addy’s voice is barely above a hushed whisper, her attention utterly devoted to following Beth’s movements.

“I need to know whether you feel it too.”

“I want you. I want this.” Addy mumbles, the admission catching Beth completely off guard even though she asked, but it takes her only a moment to be pulled right back into the other girl’s orbit again.

“You’ve got me. My starlight. My girl.” Beth whispers it against trembling lips, and she can no longer deny them both what they crave so desperately, and she kisses her. Her hand comes up to cup Addy’s jaw and pull her closer. She presses hard with her fingertips and at the same time slips her tongue through Addy’s willing lips, deepening the kiss. Addy’s hand grasps at the hem of Beth’s shirt, snatching at the material like it’s a lifeline.

This time she’s flying for an entirely different reason.

And even though it kills her to do so, she breaks the kiss apart, letting Addy catch her breath as Beth attempts to collect her thoughts.

She wants to be loved.

She doesn’t want to hide.

But she doesn’t have a choice.

4//

Things she figures out while falling:

  1. It takes a long time to come back down again
  2. Loving Addy is the easy part
  3. She’s a damn liar
  4. Pain is always bittersweet



“You fucking _bitch_.”

Beth snarls and attempts to reach out to grab Tacy’s stupid ponytail and give it a good yank, but Addy’s hands are already sliding around her waist and clutching at her wrists, pulling her away. “She’s not worth it.” She says into her right ear, and Beth tries to overlook the tingles that trickle directly down her spine. _So not the time_.

But Tacy’s smug smile only serves to boil her blood and she’s never wanted to completely annihilate someone from the face of the planet so badly. “Listen to your guard dog now Bethy.” She says with a sneer, and Beth feels the hold on her arm lose its tightness. Only marginally, but Beth knows what it means.

Addy’s giving her permission. _Oh this is going to be fun._

Tacy, who had perhaps been counting on Addy to hold Beth back from actually doing something senses the danger too late, and Beth’s like a shark that’s smelled blood. One of her _many_ talents. She leaps across the wooden bench with ease and Tacy spins around a girl just walking out of the shower with a bemused look on her face. Beth flashes her a dimple-perfect smile as she runs past, scooping up a pair of wet socks from the floor. Tacy’s so close to the locker room door now and Beth deliberately waits until her hands grasp the handle before launching the socks straight at her head.

“ _Ewwww_!” Tacy cries out and jumps up and down on the spot, swatting the dirty socks away from her face. There’s a collective sniggering and Beth dramatically claps her palms together.

“Bullseye!”

“You’re such an _ass_.” Tacy whines and sulks to the opposite side of the room, back towards her locker.

“Give me an A! Give me an S! Give me another S!” Beth exaggerates a simple clapping cheer movement with her arms, finishing with a wild flourish above her head. Tacy scowls and turns away, licking her wounds. Beth glances across at Addy, who stands there with her arms folded across her chest, legs spread slightly apart; a chill expression plastered around her face but the one fractionally raised eyebrow makes Beth smirk right at her.

“Beth.” Addy states her name loudly. _Ooh_. The signal to call off the wolves.

“Maybe next time you’ll think before you spread lies.” Beth says matter-of-factly and saunters back to their area. Addy hands her some deodorant and leans in.

“Nice shot Cassidy.” she says with a lingering sense of pride in her voice. She applies the deodorant and sets it down on the bench.

“I’m thinking of ditching this cheer crap and going pro. Thoughts?” Beth pretends to swing an imaginary football around in her hand before launching it at Tacy, who flinches unintentionally at the movement. _Loser_.

“Probably do a better job than half those duds on the actual team.” RiRi snorts and moves into their space to borrow Addy’s comb. They’ve all just finished practice late on a Friday night. Beth almost didn’t turn up just to tell Coach a big _fuck you_ but Addy had promised to stay over at hers and well, she doesn’t feel like being alone tonight. Also as _Captain_ , she’d never really let _her_ squad down like that anyway.

“If only it wasn’t for my knee injury…” Beth drawls and RiRi laughs, swatting the towel in her other hand in the direction of Beth’s thighs. She dodges the swipe easy enough, letting Addy become a buffer between their game. RiRi pretends to hobble side to side, feigning the proposed grievance and even Addy can’t help but smile. It’s nice when they’re like this. Simple.

Coach had pushed them hard tonight, not that Beth was expecting anything otherwise, but her shoulders feel particularly fragile. She rolls them a few times, and catches Addy staring at her movements out of the corner of her eye. Addy pretends to be busy slipping her trainers on and tying her shoelace, but Beth’s already stepped closer, reaching out and sliding her hands around the base of Addy’s neck. The other girl stiffens as she gathers up the loose strands of Addy’s hair and motions at RiRi to hand her the comb back. Addy straightens her back when she realises what Beth’s attempting to do, letting her take control and pull the hair into a trademark ponytail.

She finishes and demands that Addy turn around so she can see the finished product from the front and tries to ignore the way her heart clenches at the sight. “Gorgeous.” She winks and offers Addy her comb. Addy blinks slowly as if she’s coming out of a haze, and reluctantly takes the item from Beth’s hand.

“Thanks.” she says quietly and turns around to place it within her gym bag.

“Welcome.” Beth responds. There’s something suddenly off, she can feel it like a sixth sense. The other girls start to filter out of the locker room one by one, bags strung over their shoulders, water bottles clutched in hands, but Beth ignores their waves goodbye, refusing to take her eyes off Addy. Perhaps sensing it on the same level too, Addy eventually turns around and drops her bag onto the floor with a loud thud.

“What’s up Hanlon?” Beth quips and cocks her head to one side, trying to get a read on the other girl. She’s usually not so hard to work out, but recently that’s not been the case. She knows _why_ , she’d rather just not acknowledge that fact.

“Don’t be mad.” Addy begins and Beth’s heart jumps into her mouth.

“Did you steal my last tampon again? Cause I’m pretty sure shark week is next week so -”

“I can’t stay over tonight.” Well, ouch.

“Why?” she asks, but _she knows why_.

“I’m babysitting.” Addy murmurs and there it fucking is. Beth feels like slamming her head against the lockers but instead she settles for another snide remark. Less dramatic, but still fun nonetheless.

“Isn’t that kid like five by now? Feels that long.”

“Beth – ”

“No I’m serious. Mr Coach should get it some driving lessons soon. Or a mortgage.”

Addy lets out a prolonged sigh, but there’s no animosity. “Beth…”

“I get it Hanlon. Just if it starts doing its taxes, I think it’s time to call an exorcist.” The corners of Beth’s mouth tug upwards, and Addy bites her lip in response to her ridiculous statements. The action itself is innocent in nature, but the dark thoughts swirling at the back of Beth’s mind are anything but. She can tell Addy is considerably relieved that she had chosen the light route out of this, but the itch that’s started on the palm of her hands does nothing to alleviate itself.

Only one thing really would.

She thinks Addy realises it too.

At least, with the way she’s standing there, almost swaying with a tinge of nervousness, Beth takes it as a sign. She reaches out cautiously with her hand, lacing their fingers together so that it automatically pulls Addy closer. Her breath hitches when Addy responds by matching her movement with their other hands, and it’s all she needs. Moving slowly, heightening the impossibly electric air that encapsulates them, she presses her lips lightly against Addy’s. The next kiss is firmer, pressure perfectly balanced. Addy allows her to flick her tongue across her bottom lip, and then she breaks apart, letting Addy chase her lips down. The other girl catches Beth’s lip with her teeth, and it’s a little messy but it somehow works, which is so unbelievably _them_ that Beth’s having a really hard time trying to keep her pulse from skyrocketing.

She leans in for another kiss, and then another and another, until its not really kissing anymore, but an intense making out session against the lockers, which Beth is _not_ complaining at. Don’t get her wrong, this is quite possibly the stupidest thing they could be doing when there’s about a dozen cheerleaders only recently vacating the premises, and she’d rather shoot herself then let Coach walk in and obliterate the moment with one glance at Addy.

(Or maybe, the look on Coach’s face would be just tooth-achingly _sweet_ enough that Beth wouldn’t really mind it at all.)

And then Addy sighs so lovingly against her mouth, Beth almost loses her composure entirely.

She thinks she could love Addy forever.

5//

She’s numb.

She thinks that this is what it feels like to die.

To lose your last breath, to lie there still and cold and broken and bleeding until your heart gives out and your brain finally stops thinking, and overthinking, and you just die.

Dying and heartbreak feel a lot like the same thing.

She’s lying on her bed, not in it, because that would give her more warmth than she deserves, and besides she didn’t have the energy to climb into her covers when she came in anyway.

_That’s you, Beth. You take._

The party at Lanvers wasn’t enough to get that stupid fucking quote out of her head, repeating like a goddamn mantra throbbing against the front of her skull. Like the only way to get it out would be to crack her head wide open and let all her secrets spill out. If only Addy could see, if only she could realise how tight Coach has a fucking noose around her neck, then maybe Beth wouldn’t hurt so much.

_We’ll see if she’s worth it._

And yet despite it all, Beth still wants to help her. Hold her when this eventually implodes in on itself. Because it will, and it’s only a matter of time before Addy’s heart breaks too, only for completely different reasons.

Sudden pressure on her chest makes her aware she’s been holding her breath, and curiously she presses her lips tighter against each other, until her lungs are screaming, her head pulling at tendons, the anchor clamped around her throat almost pleasurable –

“Hey baby I’m going to bed.”

Her mother’s voice snaps her out of her supine and she quickly shuffles up her pillows, stretching her legs out of the foetal position. She risks a glance upwards, and her mom is leaning against her bedroom doorframe, arms hanging loose by her sides. She’s been drinking, Beth can tell, but no more so than usual.

She’s also not fast enough to mask the pain on her face, and her mother notices it instantly. It’s rather apposite she thinks, how the Cassidy’s know it so well. “Did you have another fight with Addy?”

“Mmhm.” Beth doesn’t have the strength to speak and avoids rolling her eyes because _of course_ her mother knows its about Addy.

Her mom slinks into her room, teetering on her feet for a few seconds unsure how to approach this before eventually deciding to sit tentatively on the edge of the bed, in line with where Beth’s churning stomach lies. She reaches out to brush a few loose strands of hair out of her eyes, and Beth takes a moment to appreciate the contact. She sighs deeply which immediately causes her mom to give her a sad smile and say, “Oh Bethy. You’re best friends. You’ll make up, you always do.”

_Not this time mommy dearest._

This can’t be put back together again. She returns her mom’s small smile and shrugs her shoulders as nonchalantly as possible, as if she couldn’t care less, as if she doesn’t burn like a bullet has ripped straight through her heart. The prolonged silence overwhelms the room and stops the conversation dead. Not that it wasn’t a one-sided conversation already, but her mom takes it as an acute sign to give her one last pat on the head and leave, closing the door with a creak behind her.

Her mind wanders. She thinks about the last time they kissed, and how that’s probably the last time they’ll ever do that again, and somehow that hurts more than anything.

And then, her phone vibrates.

Foolishly she leans over and picks it up, thinking it must be RiRi reprimanding her for leaving Lanvers so early in the night, but when she taps the screen and the message appears, her heart stops.

 **Addy [00:28am]** _i’m outside_

Her fingers hover over the keyboard, frozen in line with the rest of her body. She’s here. Did it happen already? Did Coach shatter her heart so completely that it sent Addy right back to her? Straight into Beth’s wide-fucking-open arms?

 **Addy [00:29am]** _i’m coming in_

Beth momentarily blanks before she remembers that Addy knows where the spare key is hidden and there’s absolutely nothing she can do to stop this from happening.

_The abyss._

She leaps out of bed, just as her bedroom door scrapes open, and she feels like she’s hallucinating because she’s never seen Addy look so frightened, so terror-stricken that it envelopes Beth too. Addy slowly moves into the room until she’s standing directly opposite her.

“Are you lost?” Beth snaps, the simmering bitterness deflecting how she really, truly feels and Addy recoils at the query. The other girl swallows hard and takes a moment before thinking how best to approach this. Like you would a wild, wounded animal, caught in a trap that it doesn’t quite know how it got there. “Lonely? Because I’m closed for business.” Venom seeps vindictively from her words, but Addy tries to take no notice.

“She wouldn’t answer my questions.”

“Well I’m sorry you and the Mrs are having communication relationship trouble but –”

“Beth _shut up_.” Addy is angry now, and how fucking _dare_ she? Beth’s the only one that has a fucking right to be upset, but Addy has other ideas and exhales strongly through her nose. “I’m going to tell you what happened, and you’re not going to say a _fucking_ word until I’m done.”

Rage has never had such a beautiful face.

And so Addy tells her everything, the whole story, and Beth does nothing but stand there and listen, even when she gets a crick in her neck and her legs feel restless, she stands there, waiting. Like a coiled snake about to strike, the anger and resentment and the fucking _hatred_ towards Coach for even thinking putting Addy in that position was ever a good _fucking_ idea builds up behind her eyes and threatens to overwhelm like a wave in a tsunami. Her ears feel unnaturally warm, and her cheeks are burning red, but when she looks at Addy so scared and vulnerable and _nervous_ like she’s not sure what Beth’s going to do, that scares her more than anything Coach could do. Because Addy is meant to trust her blindly, to follow her to hell and back, she’s meant to understand her, on some heaven high level that no-one else can reach. And Addy’s staring at her like she doesn’t and that’s all Beth needs.

“... and look I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry and I love you and I don’t know what to do if you don’t forgive me and help me. _Please, Beth_.” The last words rip themselves from Addy’s throat, pleading and desperate. Beth clenches her jaw hard.

And then, surprises herself. “I’m sorry too.” The apology seemed like a natural thing to say, and now it’s out there, hanging between them heavy and thick, Beth can’t seem to stop her mouth from running off. “I’m sorry for not keeping you closer. I’m sorry for not noticing how deep she had you. Most of all, I’m sorry for not telling you how much I love you every single _fucking_ day of my life, so you felt like you had to go else - elsewhere.” She almost kicks herself for stumbling over the last words, but there are tears gathering in her eyes and threatening to spill over; her hands are shaking and she feels so violently sick the room is almost spinning.

But Addy is peering right into her soul, and Beth realises that it’s always going to be them. They can get lost, they can have their doubts, they can argue and kiss and fight, but it’s always them. Always.

Beth suddenly starts grinning, then laughing and it’s so fucking therapeutic, and Addy’s expression turns a little confused, but she can’t help and let out a few soft chuckles too. Neither of them knows who exactly makes the first move, but then they’re hugging, grasping each other so tightly Beth can revel in the familiar warmth of Addy’s touch. All over her, like it’s meant to be.

They pull apart, and Beth wants to kiss her, but right now she can’t. Impulse control has never really been her strong suit when alone with Addy, but her gut is telling her not to. They might be together, but the timing is wrong and they’re still a little broken but that’s okay.

Addy brings a hand up to wipe the tears from Beth’s face and it’s so intimate and caring she feels like crying all over again. Instead, she places her own hand over Addy’s, resting on her cheek, and then she lets their hands drop naturally. A moment passes and Beth lets it, because _god_ if she hasn’t missed this feeling. If she hasn’t missed just _feeling_.

“So what’s the plan Captain?” Addy asks with a wry smile, and in one short intake of breath, Beth composes herself, snapping right back into top girl mode, fists curled in defiance by her sides. The mask slips upon her with familiar comfort. Her favourite place to be.

This isn’t going to be easy.

The whole not kissing Addy part she means. Eviscerating Coach? She’s had that on lockdown since day one.

Things she figures out while falling:

  1. It takes a long time to come back down again
  2. Loving Addy is the easy part
  3. She’s a damn liar
  4. Pain is always bittersweet
  5. Addy is her memory



**Author's Note:**

> as always follow me @ bethsaddys.tumblr.com and pls talk to me about them
> 
> anyways can u believe that dua lipa wrote her entire new album about addybeth??? i owe her my rights


End file.
